101 Marijuana Quotes: Funny, Inspirational, And Face Palms

Nothing seems to get people talking more than the subject of Marijuana, and most people have pretty strong opinions. I’ve put together a collection of 101 marijuana quotes from people across a variety of industries. Some people fell into multiple categories, so I did my best to put them in the most suitable category. Some of these quotes are pretty funny. Others are inspiring and aid in the progression of the marijuana movement. Then there are the quotes that are so stupid and misinformed that you can’t help but bury your face so deep in your palm that no one can hear you scream (these quotes have been labeled accordingly).

 

Use the links below if you want to jump to a specific category.

Celebrities                       Politicians
Athletes                            Authors
Business People           Doctors
Scientists                        Activists
World Leaders             Cartoon Characters
And One More

Celebrities

Celebrity Marijuana Quotes
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1) “I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?” – Willie Nelson / Musician, Writer, Actor, Activist

2) Of course I know how to roll a joint.” –Martha Stewart / TV Personality, Writer, Business Woman

3) “The first time I smoked was at home with my mother and stepfather; they were like, ‘If you are going to do this, we’d rather you did this with us.’” – Matt Damon / Actor, Writer, Producer

4) “Remember they used to be like who is this? Now Im up in this bitch. Smoking weed out in London. They bringing me fish and chips.” – Wiz Khalifa / Musician

5) “When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.” – Bob Marley / Musician, Activist 

6) “I wake up early in the morning and it feels so good. Smoking on some shit that you wish you could.” – Snoop Dogg / Musician, Actor, Activist

7) “Marijuana is not a drug!!! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever suck DICK for marijuana?”- Bob Saget / Actor, Comedian

8) “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?” ― Bill Hicks / Comedian

9) “I don’t consider weed to be any worse than having a beer.” – James Franco / Actor, Filmmaker, Professor, and Writer

10) “Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis (Google “Science”).”  – Nick Offerman / Actor, Writer, Carpenter

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Politicians

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11) “I smoked pot in college, and in the Army…” – Al Gore / 45th U.S. Vice President


12) “Casual drug users should be taken out and shot” – Darrell Gates  / LA Police Chief 1978 – 1992

13) “I don’t think [pot] is more dangerous than alcohol.” – Barack Obama / 44th U.S. President

14) “Reefer makes darkies think they’re as good as white men.” – Harry J Anslinger  / Assistant Prohibition Commissioner in the Bureau of Prohibition 1930-1962

15) “Make the most you can of the Indian Hemp seed and sow it everywhere.” – George Washington / 1st U.S. President

16) “Marijuana is a much bigger part of the American addiction problem than most people – teens or adults – realize.” – John Walters  / Director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy 2001 – 2009

17) “By regulating marijuana, we can put black market drug dealers out of business and eliminate the rebellious allure that attracts young people.” – Sal Albanese / New York City Council member 1983-1998

18) “I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast”- Ronald Reagan  / 40th U.S. President

19) “That is not a drug, it’s a leaf.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger / Governor of California 2003-2010

20) “When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t inhale and never tried it again.” – Bill Clinton  / 42nd U.S. President

 

Related Article: 9 Differences Between Indica vs. Sativa

 

Athletes

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21) “The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago. All through the sixties I tested everything.” – Bill Lee / Pitcher for Boston Red Sox 

22) “I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old, and despite the successes I have had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from me.” – Michael Phelps  / Olympic Swimmer

23) “Why do I do it? Because I enjoy its effects. You know, I — why does anybody use any mind-altering substance, you know, because they like the way it makes them feel.” – Mark Stepnoski / Offensive Lineman for Dallas Cowboys

24) “In our culture, the Native Americans, when two strangers come together. You know what we do in our culture? We smoke the peace pipe.” – Tatanka / WWF Wrestler

25) [in reply to Tatanka’s quote – see above] “Really? My people do the same thing.” – Rob Van Dam / WWF Wrestler

26) “I don’t really care who’s doing drugs in the NBA as long as the scene isn’t adversely affecting my team and teammates. I’ve known enough drug users–going as far back as grade school and the streets of New York–not to view them as pariahs or lost souls. I’ve certainly smoked more than my quota of weed.” – Kareem Abdul-Jabbar / Center for L.A. Lakers

27) “Most of the players in the league use marijuana, and I have and do partake in smoking weed in the offseason sometimes.” – Josh Howard / Forward for Dallas Mavericks

28) “I got high, and forgot I wasn’t supposed to get high.” – Ricky Williams / Running Back for Miami Dolphins

29) “For the record, right now, I think someone needed to come out and say it: I think smoking pot is good for mixed martial artists. It’s a new day and age, this is, uh, the year…fuck year is it? I don’t know, because I’ve been training and smoking pot like I should, instead of paying attention to other bullshit, which I don’t do.” – Nick Diaz / MMA Fighter

30) “I have used, you know, marijuana … since I’ve been in the league….But as far as abusing it and, you know, letting it take control over me, I don’t do that, no….hopefully … I won’t get into any trouble by the NFL by saying that, you know. I have had fun throughout my years and, you know, predominantly in the offseason.” – Randy Moss / Wide Receiver for San Francisco 49ers

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Authors

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31)“I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry. It would be wonderful for the state of Maine. There’s some pretty good homegrown dope. I’m sure it would be even better if you could grow it with fertilizers and have greenhouses.”- Stephen King / Contemporary Horror and Suspense

32) “I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits -and millions of Americans agree with me.” – Hunter S. Thompson / Journalist, Novelist

33) “Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.” ― Richard Neville / Co-editor of OZ, an Australian counterculture magazine

34) “Rusty thinks I should smoke marijuana, and I did for a while, but it only makes me giggle.” – Truman Capote / Novelist, Screenwriter, Playwright 

35) “She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for legalization. After all, why should surrealism be illegal?” ― Jarod Kintz / Novelist

36) “I have used cannabis all over the world.” – Rick Steves / Tavel Author, TV Personality

37) “Hashish will be, indeed, for the impressions and familiar thoughts of the man, a mirror which magnifies, yet no more than a mirror.” – Charles Baudelaire / French Poet

38) “Marijuana is a useful catalyst for specific optical and aural aesthetic perceptions. I apprehended the structure of certain pieces of jazz and classical music in a new manner under the influence of marijuana, and these apprehensions have remained valid in years of normal consciousness.” – Allen Ginsberg / American Poet

39) “Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.” – Kurt Vonnegut / Novelist

40) “One’s condition on marijuana is always existential. One can feel the importance of each moment and how it is changing one. One feels one’s being, one becomes aware of the enormous apparatus of nothingness — the hum of a hi-fi set, the emptiness of a pointless interruption, one becomes aware of the war between each of us, how the nothingness in each of us seeks to attack the being of others, how our being in turn is attacked by the nothingness in others. -” Norman Mailer / novelist, journalist, playwright, film maker, actor and political candidate

 

Related Article: 10 Wake and Bake Commandments for Perfect Morning Tokes

 

Business People

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41)“Smoking helped put me in touch with the realm of the senses.” – Hugh Hefner / Founder of Playboy Magazine

42) (in relation to marijuana legalization) “It’s an experiment, and it’s probably good to have a couple states try it out to see before you make that national policy.” – Bill Gates / Founder of Microsoft

43) “It’s not just the over $8 billion that we would be saving in law enforcement; it’s also the over $8 billion that we would be making by taxing marijuana… We are filling our jails with nonviolent drug offenders — predominantly young, predominantly African American… It’s a great beyond left and right issue. It has support across the political spectrum and also the support of the majority of the American people.” – Arianna Huffington / Founder of The Huffington Post

44) “Why use up the forests which were centuries in the making and the mines which required ages to lay down, if we can get the equivalent of forest and mineral products in the annual growth of the hemp fields?” – Henry Ford / Founder of Ford Motor Compnay

45) (Answering: Should we legalize marijuana?) “Yes. And release prisoners who are incarcerated for pot.” – Mark Cuban / Owner of Dallas Mavericks, Investor, TV Personality

46) “I have friends who smoke pot… It’s ridiculous to treat them as criminals.” – David Koch / businessman, philanthropist, political activist, and chemical engineer

47) “You either make it illegal, in which case you support a huge underground economy or you tax it within the limits people can afford.” – Kevin O’Leary / Entrepreneur, Investor, TV Personality

48) “I’ve never taken drugs of any kind, never had a glass of alcohol. Never had a cigarette, never had a cup of coffee.” – Donald Trump  (Come on, Donald. You deserve to live a little.) / President of The Trump Coporation, Investor, TV Personality

49) “I’d like to see the government back a programme of research into the medical properties of cannabis and I do not object to its responsible use as a recreational relaxant.” – Sir Richard Branson / Founder of Virgin Group, Investor

50) “Who most benefits from keeping marijuana illegal? The greatest beneficiaries are the major criminal organizations in Mexico and elsewhere that earn billions of dollars annually from this illicit trade–and who would rapidly lose their competitive advantage if marijuana were a legal commodity.” – George Soros / business magnate, investor, and philanthropist

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Doctors

Doctors Marijuana Quotes
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51)“[Marijuana] doesn’t have a high potential for abuse, and there are very legitimate medical applications. In fact, sometimes marijuana is the only thing that works… [I]t is irresponsible not to provide the best care we can as a medical community, care that could involve marijuana. We have been terribly and systematically misled for nearly 70 years in the United States, and I apologize for my own role in that.” – Dr. Sanjay Gupta / Neurosurgeon 

52) “I have found in my study of these patients that cannabis is really a safe, effective and non-toxic alternative to many standard medications. There is no such thing as an overdose. We have seen very minimal problems with abuse or dependence, which at worst are equivalent to dependence on caffeine. While a substance may have some potential for misuse, in my opinion, that’s a poor excuse to deny its use and benefit to everyone else.” – Philip Denney, MD / Physician and co-founder of a medical cannabis evaluation practice

53) “Well, so I’m the medical director of an adolescent substance abuse program, and we noticed in 2009 at the beginning of the year that we were not very busy, and at the end of the year we ended up having probably tripled our referrals to the adolescent substance abuse treatment program. And 95 percent of our referrals are for marijuana.” – Dr. Christian Thurstone  / past President of the Colorado Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Society

54) “The evidence is overwhelming that marijuana can relieve certain types of pain, nausea, vomiting and other symptoms caused by such illnesses as multiple sclerosis, cancer and AIDS — or by the harsh drugs sometimes used to treat them. And it can do so with remarkable safety. Indeed, marijuana is less toxic than many of the drugs that physicians prescribe every day.” – Joycelyn Elders, MD / Pediatrician, Public Health Administrator

55) “As a physician I have sympathy for patients suffering from pain and other medical conditions. Although I understand many believe marijuana is the most effective drug in combating their medical ailments, I would caution against this assumption due to the lack of consistent, repeatable scientific data available to prove marijuana’s benefits. Based on current evidence, I believe that marijuana is a dangerous drug and that there are less dangerous medicines offering the same relief from pain and other medical symptoms.” – Bill Frist, MD  / Surgeon

56) “As a physician, I recommend nutritious hemp seeds and oil to anyone interested in maintaining a healthy diet. Everyone will benefit when American farmers can grow this amazing crop once again.” – Andrew Weil, M.D. / Physician, Neuropath, Writer, and Teacher of Holistic Medicine

57) “[E]liminating criminal penalties for personal drug use and possession is an essential feature of a public health response to drugs and drug misuse, and APHA calls on state and federal governments to remove such criminal penalties… [J]urisdictions that have legalized medical marijuana, decriminalized possession of marijuana and/or other drugs, or tolerated limited, retail sales…have not experienced significant, if any, increases in marijuana or other drug use.” – American Public Health Association

58) “It is not a medicine. You don’t know what’s in it. If there were compelling scientific and medical data supporting marijuana’s medical benefits that would be one thing. But the data is not there.” – Andrea Barthwell, MD  / Deputy Director for Demand Reduction at the Office of National Drug Control Policy under George W. Bush

59) “The IOM report, Marijuana and Medicine: Assessing the Science Base, released in March 1999, found that marijuana’s active components are potentially effective in treating pain, nausea and vomiting, AIDS-related loss of appetite, and other symptoms and should be tested rigorously in clinical trials. The therapeutic effects of smoked marijuana are typically modest, and in most cases there are more effective medicines. But a subpopulation of patients do not respond well to other medications and have no effective alternative to smoking marijuana…” – John A. Benson, Jr., MD / Professor

60) “The American Nurses Association (ANA) recognizes that patients should have safe access to therapeutic marijuana/cannabis. Cannabis or marijuana has been used medicinally for centuries. It has been shown to be effective in treating a wide range of symptoms and conditions.” – American Nurses Association

 

Related Article: 10 Bible Verses That Aren’t About Marijuana, But Should Be

 

Scientists

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61) “It is my considered opinion at present that marihuana is not harmful unless it is taken in enormous and excessive amounts. I believe that we are damaging this country, damaging our law enforcement situation, damaging the trust between older people and younger people by its prohibition, and this is far more serious than any damage that might be done to a few overusers.” – Cultural Anthropologist

62) “My first 10 years as a professional scientist were mostly devoted to Cannabis, but after that most of my research was on other crops of more immediate priority to Canada. Nevertheless, one doesn?t loose interest in a plant as amazing as Cannabis, and my literature collection on it has accumulated to occupy several filing cabinets.” – Dr. Ernest Small / Research Scientist

63) “I was fascinated that one could have such perceptual changes, and also that they went with a certain feeling of significance, an almost numinous feeling. I’m strongly atheist by disposition, but nonetheless when this happened, I couldn’t help thinking, ‘That must be what the hand of God is like.’ ” – Oliver Sacks / Neurologist 

64) “It would be wryly interesting if in human history the cultivation of marijuana led generally to the invention of agriculture, and thereby to civilization.” – Carl Sagan / Astronomer 

65) “It is beyond my comprehension that any humane person would withhold such a beneficial substance from people in such great need simply because others use it for different purposes.” – Steven Gould / Science Fiction Author (I know he isn’t a scientist, but I loved the quote so I snuck it in.)

66) “Ordinarily it would take me about fifteen minutes to get a hallucination going,” wrote Feynman, “but on a few occasions, when I smoked some marijuana beforehand, it came very quickly.” – Richard Feynman / Theoretical Physicist

67) “And all I knew about drugs was what I read in magazines like Time and Life. I learned that marijuana was a dangerous addictive drug and that I should stay away from it.” – Kary Mullis (p.s. He didn’t stay away from it.) / Biochemist

68) “Compared to alcohol, which makers people take more risks on the road, marijuana made drivers slow down and drive more carefully…. Cannabis is good for driving skills, as people tend to overcompensate for a perceived impairment.” – Olaf Drummer / Professor

69) “Major General Mitchell, the celebrated astronomer, says that the Hasheesh Candy helped him when all other remedies failed to relieve him and that it is an excellent compound.” – Advertisement for Hasheesh Candy

70) “While working at KATALYSE, I was contacted by Mathias Bröckers, now one of the managing directors at the HanfHaus GmbH in Berlin. He had just discovered the book by Jack Herer, The Emperor Wears No Clothes, and was looking for scientific verification of the proclaimed benefits of the “miracle plant” hemp.” – Michael Karus / Co-founder of the Nova-Institute

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Activists

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71) “If you substitute marijuana for tobacco and alcohol, you’ll add eight to 24 years to your life.” – Jack Herer / Author, Hemp Activist

72) “There are only two kinds of dealers. Those who need forklifts, and those who don’t.” – Tom Forcade / Founder of High Times Magazine

73) “We talk to each other in code. We said that 420 was a special number. It was a time. It was a date. It was a symbol for what we did for passive resistance.” – Rick Cusick / Publisher at High Times Magazine

74) “I’ve been smoking marijuana for 44 years now, and … I think it’s a tremendous blessing.” – Lester Grinspoon / Psychiatry Professor at Harvard University

75) “It all started in 2737 BC when the drug was used more, uh taken orally rather than smoked but at least in the last few hundred years people have been smoking cannabis very much in the same ways they do it now.” – Mitch Earleywine / Chairman of NORML

76) “We need to legalize now so both patients and consumers can share in the gifts of cannabis” – Diane Fornbacher / NORML Board Member

77) “It’s not as if Massachusetts will be reinventing the wheel here. There are practical models that are up and running and have been for some time.” – Paul Armentano / Deputy Director of NORML

78) “People make a decision on what they take based on whether or not it’s legal. We give people at the age of 18 a choice to use alcohol, which is more harmful than cannabis. If they have the choice to use cannabis by legalising it, they’ll be less likely to drink alcohol, giving people an option to use a safer drug. If people end up using cannabis instead of alcohol, that would obviously be a good thing.” – Luke Flanagan / /strong>Social Campaigner, Politician<

79) “If you grew up in the 60’s or 70’s, and didn’t do drugs I don’t trust you.” – Danny Danko / Senior Cultivation Editor for High Times Magazine

80) “You know what I’m really tired of is people getting arrested for the possession of marijuana. It’s just a plant. It makes no sense.” – Madeline Martinez / Sole Proprietress of the United States’ first Cannabis Cafe

 

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World Leaders

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81) “My government will continue mounting a real fight against the trafficking of marijuana and all other drugs.” – Enrique Peña Nieto / 57th President of Mexico (At first this seems life a face palm, but organized crime surround marijuana trafficking has caused serious problems in Mexico.)

82) “Legalisation doesn’t make sense.” – Daniel Ortega / President of Nicaragua 

83) “To be sociable, I puffed on a marijuana cigarette, but I didn’t inhale…I just hate the idea of drawing smoke into my lungs.” – Tony Abbott / 28th Austrailian Prime Minister 

84) “We think of cannabis as a drug, in accordance with international opinions. This means that even consuming small amounts can lead to very severe dependence. With alcohol or cigarettes however, sensibly limited consumption does not bear the risk of immediate addictiveness as this is the case with cannabis according to our opinion. With alcohol there surely is an element of a tradition. However, enjoyed in moderation, as supplement to a meal for example, alcohol is not something that causes immediate dependence. Still, there is a great need for prevention and information in this matter.” – Angela Merkel  / Chancellor of Germany

85) (When asked about opposition to legalizing marijuana) “It has always been like that with changes. In 1913, we established divorce as a right for women in Uruguay. You know what they were saying back then? That families would dissolve. That it was the end of good manners and society. There has always been a conservative and traditional opinion out there that’s afraid of change. When I was young and would go dancing at balls, we’d have to wear suits and ties. Otherwise they wouldn’t let us in. I don’t think anyone dresses up for dancing parties nowadays.” – José “Pepe” Mujica / 40th President of Uruguay

86) “We have noted the appeal of Honorable Ambrosini about the decriminalizing of marijuana for medical use.” – Jacob Zuma / 4th President of South Africa

87) “The scourge of drug trafficking, that favors violence and sows the seeds of suffering and death, requires of society as a whole an act of courage.” – Pope Francis / Pope of the Catholic Church

88) “In Cuba there are no drugs nor will there be.” – Raul Castro  / President of the Council of State of Cuba 2008-2018 (date includes announced retirement)

89) “The main point in [our] report was to recommend decriminalization…because of the way laws are applied, which have not worked. We have applied them for decades and it’s got the prisons filled with lots of young people who sometimes come out destroyed for having half an ounce… [W]e should approach it through education [and] health issues rather than a brutal reaction… There is need for change in policy, but it has to start with debate and discussion… I think the whole approach has to be reviewed.” – Kofi Annan / Ghanaian Diplomat who served as the 7th Secretary-General of the United Nations

90) “It is  haram [religiously forbidden] to use  narcotics in any way because it results  in considerable adverse effects in terms  of personal health and social cost. By  the same token, it is haram to deal in  narcotics in any way, i.e., carrying, transporting,  storing, selling, buying, etc.” – Ali Khamenei  / 2nd Supreme Leader of Iran

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Cartoon Characters

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91) “Hey, ah, Frylock, do we have any pot?” – Meatwad / Aqua Teen Hunger Force

92) “It’s a very big deal. That’s why drugs are so dangerous. Then you get addicted, and it destroys your life, and the lives of those around you. Then you start playing the bongos really loud, and then you turn all Bobby and Whitney on us.” – Tom  / The Boondocks

93) “Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn’t gonna make you kill people, and …it most likely isn’t gonna fund terrorism, but… Well son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored and… It’s when you’re bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or… being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren’t good at anything.” – Randy / South Park

94) “Oh, no, my eyes are going bloodshot! I’m going on a trip! I look like I’m doped out of my gourd!” – Hank Hill / King of the Hill

95) “Everything is better with a bag of weed.” – Stewie Griffin / Family Guy

96) “Homer, I am getting really worried you are going overboard with this. We are out of clothespins, there are half-eaten cupcakes all around the house, and the curtains smell like doob.” – Marge Simpson / The Simpsons

97) “It was good weed, Steveses.” – Roger / American Dad

98) “Hey, uh, groovers. It’s twenty minutes after four. Anybody wanna get, uh, sky high on some, uh, grass.” – The Sheriff / Squidbillies

99) “I grew up smokin’ government weed everyday you know, I had kiddie glaucoma, don’t ask me! I’m immune to just about everything.” – Pickles / Metalocalypse

100) “I hope you kids learned something today, too. About drugs, which are bad. Except for the ones which aren’t, Like ibuprofen and aspirin. Marijuana is also okay If it’s legally prescribed by a doctor In any of the 13 states where such laws apply. Alaska, california, Colorado, hawaii, maine, Michigan, montana, nevada, New mexico, oregon, rhode island, Vermont and washington.” – Cleveland Brown / The Cleveland Show

And One More

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101) “I think pot should be legal. I don’t smoke it, but I like the smell of it.” – Andy Warhol / Artist

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